goals Archives - Deborah Angel Austin

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Rick Tamlyn is an international coach, speaker and author of Play Your Bigger Game. In the book and in his speeches and workshops, he helps people live more meaningful and purposeful lives by elevating the way they play their game. The game being a metaphor for life. I attended one of his introductory workshops and here are some key takeaways that I learned about how to play a bigger game in life. They are:

1. Be laser focused when it comes to your priorities. The world was here before you or I were born and there is a good chance it will be here long after we have departed the mortal coil. Meaning that if you set out with the goal to change the world, you’re going to be frustrated. With all the issues in the world it’s easy to become overwhelmed. Does that mean that you don’t fight the good fight for causes you believe in or against injustices that exist in the world. Of course not. You continue to advocate for issues that you believe in and rail against injustices. To deal with the overwhelm when you want to make a difference, pick an area or areas where you can make the largest impact for the most amount of people and focus in on those areas. Each human being only has so much time and energy and being laser focused helps you to achieve your highest priorities. Being laser focused on your priorities means that you know how you want to contribute and the type of impact or legacy that you want to leave. Look at how you can positively impact your sphere of influence with the causes you believe in. Sometimes you don’t need to go far, you can start with your family, your work or your neighbourhood.

2. Have a vision and be committed to it. Often in life people lack the confidence to start working on a goal or project. They believe they can’t finish a project or reach a goal, so they don’t bother starting. Even if you don’t have everything figured out when starting out on a goal, your level of commitment can help you achieve that goal. Rick Tamlyn says that “the antidote to lack of confidence is being committed.” When you know your values and have a vision for your life, it is easier to commit to a goal even if all the details aren’t worked out. For example, if getting healthy was a matter of life or death for you, your commitment to being healthy and living would make you figure out the details. Knowing your values and having a vision for your life can help you with being committed to a goal. When you have a life vision , it’s very easy to commit to priorities that fit within that vision and say no to things that don’t.

3. Play (live) outside of your comfort zone. Rick Tamlyn says that, “Playing a bigger game will design who I become.” If you are continuously “playing it safe” and not learning or growing, you will find your life becoming stagnant. When you don’t set new goals or aim for new achievements, it’s challenging for new opportunities, people and things to come into your life. Stepping outside of your comfort zone may mean setting a new vision for your life where you have to let go of people, places, things as well as things about yourself that don’t fit into your new life vision. We are creative beings. At any time we can choose who we are and who we want to be. We are not limited by our past, family, or societal programming and conditioning. While it does take work to bring your vision or goals to fruition, it is worth the time and effort required. When you learn to play outside your comfort zone while using your gifts and talents to serve others, life is enjoyable and you learn to live your life purpose. So have fun, take those calculated risks, learn something new, reach out to someone and love with an open heart.

Here’s to playing Your Bigger Game!

Too many of us live our lives as if they are not our own. Instead of pursuing our goals with passion and determination we stay on the sidelines of life. There are many reasons why we do this including fear, procrastination and not having specific knowledge to move forward. Sometimes, it boils down to being a “people pleaser.”

There are several reasons why we feel the need to seek the approval of others. Acceptance and approval are primal needs that go back to when we were very young. If our parents or caregivers did not fulfill their role sufficiently in terms of meeting our needs when we were young, some of us may grow up with low self esteem or a challenged self concept. This in turn may translate into the need to excessively please people in order to feel accepted or to gain approval.

If you are putting other people’s needs and wants above your own and relegating your dreams and goals to the “someday” pile, I encourage you to rethink this strategy. It is good to help people whenever you can. In fact, being of service and helping people is what life is truly all about. It is our relationships and contributions in the end that really matter. If you are constantly putting other peoples needs and wants before your own this can become problematic and can lead to both stress overload and burnout.

If we are honest with ourselves, sometimes we are more interested in having people like us than in pursuing our goals and dreams. If you continually people please by responding to other people’s needs and wants before your own, you may start to feel resentful in that you are not being true to yourself. This is detrimental because your dreams can be put on the back burner. For example, instead of continuing to write your book, you are continuously at the beck and call of a friend or family member who always seems to be in some sort of financial or relationship crisis. Maybe it’s time that you tell him or her that they need to seek some type of assistance from a professional who can help them with these issues instead of always relying on you.

All of us are living on borrowed time. It therefore becomes paramount that you make your needs and desires a priority. Not next year, next month or next week. Now! Now is the perfect time to revisit some of your goals and dreams that you have been neglecting and start pursuing them with a renewed tenacity. Look at the areas in your life that are either emotionally, physically or energetically draining you or distracting you from your goals. Develop a plan to either eliminate them or minimize them. While the word YES is a powerful word, so is the word NO. If you tend to people please learn to employ the word NO more often, when it comes to people or projects that drain your energy and have no value to you. If this is a challenge for you consider taking an assertiveness skills or negotiation skills course so that you can say no authentically and powerfully while respecting the other person.

Share your insights into what strategies you have used to overcome “people pleasing” tendencies.

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